Let’s just put this out there at the beginning.
I am ass-white. Like, walk outside and get lobster-burnt white. Like, glow in the dark white. There is no surprise to my European mutt lineage.
Ok, now that that has been made clear, time to move on.
There have been a whole lot of recent Black killings. I’ve kept my mouth shut. I’ve kept my keyboard meme sharing fingers down. Not because I don’t feel anger and hurt for the most affected community, but because it’s about damn time I shut up and listen. I’m real good at talking and I’m real good at pretending to hear. But, it’s been a second since I stopped dead in my tracks and LISTENED. My voice simply wasn’t needed.
You know what I did wrong though? I didn’t amplify the voices that are needed. I didn’t help boost up the voices we need to hear.
I’m uncomfortable. I’m super uncomfortable. Oh, no, not because I’m talking about race. But, because I’ve failed. I sit here and talk about standing for my students, having even gone before the school board to protect my students, and I haven’t spent the time to WORK on my allyship. Learning doesn’t stop and I stopped… which inherently shows my privilege because I was able to stop.
So, here’s where maybe my voice can matter. I’m talking to my white folks right now. I’m going to talk about me and maybe you’re going to feel me, just a little. And, maybe, just maybe, you’ll join me in doing the WORK to BE better, to DO better. I don’t want to dare assume that you need to do some allyship work, because you’re not racist, right? I don’t want to dare assume that you need to do some allyship work, because you have Black friends, right? I don’t want to dare assume that you need to do some allyship work, because you think All Lives Matter, including Black ones, right?
If you’re sensing that I’m calling some folks out, you’d be correct. I’m calling me out too - have no fear - this isn’t hypocrite city. We all have prejudice. It’s what we do with that prejudice, it’s how we combat that prejudice, that makes a some kind of difference. I don’t know what the hell kind, but I’m going to have some kind of hope that there’s difference to be made.
I got complacent. I saw the consistent killings of Black folks and felt all kinds of feels. And kept on trucking with my life. I saw other killings of Black folks and started listening and paying a little more attention. I considered writing a blog, much like this one, even talked to a friend about it, then never quite got to it.
People. I had and have the ability to never quite get to it, to have all the feels and move on, because FEAR isn’t my daily life. I don’t open the door of my house and wonder if my ass white self is going to get killed today because I belong in the Twilight series. I don’t walk down the street, alone, and wonder if my Casper self is going to get a phone call for simply existing. Ok, sure, the female part of me maybe cringes a little at times, but that’s a whole different conversation. I have a disability - I have my own struggles - but I sure as sin don’t worry about somebody killing me because I have it.
Which, my friends, is the point. I have struggles because of things like my hearing impairment. Other folks have struggles, such socio-economic factors (one that is often brought up to combat against this idea of white privilege.) And guess what? White, and white passing, friends don’t have the same struggles as Black folks and people of color in general because they have one less personal fear when they open the door to their house to go outside. Shoot. Black folks aren’t even safe in their own homes. My struggles are not someone else’s struggles and I can’t begin to understand because I don’t live it. The whole walk in someone' else’s shoes thing is faulty - you can’t. The shoes don’t freaking fit! Take the time to LISTEN to that life that isn’t yours, that struggle that isn’t yours and LEARN how you can help.
I have a Black Godson that I worry about, as he gets older. I have a mixed-race daughter (Asian/White) who I’m already concerned about as she gets older because Asian women are so over-sexualized, so over-exoticized, in this country. (Sidenote: She will be in self-defense at the earliest possible age. Just saying.) My teeny tiny semblance of some base empathy doesn’t begin to touch on the fear mothers and fathers of Black children feel from the earliest possible ages. For all the fear I have for my daughter and her future, I don’t have to teach her to be wary of cops if they pull her over. (Again, gender has a whole slew of other issues and that’s a whole different soapbox.)
So. Here’s the gist. Because it’s not my voice you need to keep listening to at this point. I’ve got some work to do. I’ve already signed up for one course on working through my white privilege in becoming a better ally. There’s another one I desperately want to do, but it’s just a weee bit out of my current budget. Maybe someday. I’m going to leave a couple of websites to get started with below. But, before I do, there’s two more small (not so small) things I want to hit on.
It’s not anybody’s responsibility to teach us anything. Please, please, please, don’t go asking Black folks to educate you. There are a shit ton of resources out there for you to utilize if you actually want to learn. If somebody makes the offer to educate you, cool beans, take advantage. Otherwise, take advantage of all that “the Google” has to offer. In that same vein, if you start busting around to follow a diverse set of folks on Facebook or Insta or wherever the hell, please don’t just hang out to make yourself feel better - a very key point made by @moemotivate on Insta. LEARN SOMETHING. Engage - not necessarily by commenting. When I say, “engage,” I mean to do some deep thinking, deep reflecting, diving deep into that uncomfortable space that now is the time to make change. Then, figure out what action is appropriate based on the learning, reflecting, and changing - again, listening to the very ones who have been doing the work a heck of a lot longer than a great deal of us.
And the protesting? The looting and fires? Ok, so the media. It’s a shitshow. Let’s just keep that clear. It’s not even remotely showing the whole story, even if there’s a claim that they support the proverbial cause. The only cause the media supports is sensationalism to get clicks and views. Black protest, in general, is shit on. A protest with white (mostly) men going into a government building with armed weapons, some of them semi-automatic caused barely a batted eyelash. Nobody used tear gas, nobody got harmed, nobody lost their mind. Even the incompetence we call President supported them… ARMED WEAPONS IN A GOVERNMENT BUILDING. But, oh, take a knee to call attention to the racial divide in this country? Fired. Wear shirts to call attention to police brutality? Reprimanded. On and on and on and on. So… tell me. What protest is allowed? What do these all-knowing White folks suggest? Oh, show up to a government building with loaded weapons? Great idea. Oh, wait, we all know how that would end of Black folks did the exact same thing.
End of story is that white allyship needs to be better. Saying you aren’t racist isn’t enough. Sharing some memes isn’t enough. Sure, get down with your bad self and do both. But. IT ISN’T ENOUGH. Dig deep into the discomfort that privilege exists and that it has benefitted us for a dang long time. I’m a teacher - I take a risk posting this. But, it’s time I use this little voice of mine to uplift and share out those who have been doing what it takes to teach folks like me who need to do more.
I’m all about this. I’m digging. I can BE better. I can DO better. Starting with shutting the hell up, because I’ve talked far more than I had intended when you need to go listen to Black women (and men) who are FAR more capable, competent, and aware than I.
Resources:
“For Our White Friends Desiring to be Allies”
The Conscious Kid (Note: This is a Patreon site where it funds the work of the folks curating book lists and more. The book lists alone are worth the couple of bucks a month. I joined today and am already blown away by the access.)
“75 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justice”
Spiritual Activism Courses (This is the course I’m going to be taking tomorrow. I can share more if you reach out and are considering it, upon taking it.)
There are so, so, so many more resources out there. These are just the ones I’ve been exploring and have personally been diving into, along with a few teaching related ones.
(Note: This was originally published in another section of this website. It didn’t feel appropriate there, but is already linked, so I’m leaving it there, but putting it here as well, where it is more appropriately placed.)